just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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