Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
