I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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