I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
