How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
