So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
