his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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