whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
