What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
