So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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