shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize