Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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