They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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