he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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