if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
