Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
