Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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