Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You took a bar mat shot.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
