hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
