The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
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