Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
