I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
