I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
