She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
