I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
