i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
