Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize