Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Barsexuality is the new black.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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