the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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