and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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