i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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