I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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