An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
