i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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