Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
