If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
