She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
