I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
