Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just had sex on a roof
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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