Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
