remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize