I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Of course I have a pirate flag
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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