dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
