I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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