dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
