Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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