We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize