Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
As shirtless as possible
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
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