I cockslap morals
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
