I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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