Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
