nut hugger
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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