Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
