He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
