it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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