you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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