There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
