he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
