just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
