we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
