you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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