I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize