Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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