what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
