my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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