You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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