I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
