Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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