break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize