she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
only you would photoshop your dick
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
