turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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