you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
