I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
