Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
