she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
the liver wants what the liver wants
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
