Apparently you make a good broom.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
