actually, I'm a sock model
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
