I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize