she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
