I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
