508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
