I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
