whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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