Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize