420 ftw
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i think i have two assholes
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
