a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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