i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
we made out on top of his cat.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
