new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
