ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
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Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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