Even the bartender felt bad for me
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
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