i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
