Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
