Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
