Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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