my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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