may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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