We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize