apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
