So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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