Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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